Most people talk about authenticity like it’s something you do in front of others. “Just be yourself.” “Show up authentically.”
The problem? If you’re focused on proving how authentic you are to other people, you’re not being authentic—you’re practicing another form of people-pleasing.
When I led with an “others first” perspective, authenticity felt dangerous—because I believed it only counted if other people acknowledged and approved it.
Here’s the shift that made the difference:
It occurred to me that authenticity starts with being completely, compassionately honest with yourself. That’s the hard part. Owning the good, the bad, the cringe, the contradictions.
Unlearning people-pleasing has been like trying to kick a smoking habit. Helping my clients do the same has shown me that when you stop outsourcing your worth to other people’s approval, authenticity stops feeling dangerous and starts feeling like freedom.
Psychology Today puts it like this: authenticity means living and acting in alignment with your true self, values, and beliefs, even in the face of external pressures or expectations. An authentic person consistently expresses who they are across situations, avoids putting on masks or facades, and is honest about their strengths and shortcomings.
When you can approach authenticity in this way, something changes. You don’t have to decide to show up authentically with others. It just radiates—like warmth from a campfire. The fire doesn’t try to convince anyone it’s warm; it simply is.
When you’re honest with yourself, that same quiet heat spreads outward. People feel it without you needing to announce, “Look at me, I’m authentic.”
So maybe authenticity isn’t about what you show the world. Maybe it’s about refusing to lie to yourself anymore—and letting the rest take care of itself.
Thanks for being you,
Brian
Source:
Theo Tsaousides, “What It Means to Be Truly Authentic,” Psychology Today, August 10, 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/202211/what-it-means-to-be-truly-authentic.