Being Misunderstood Hurts, But Not Every Mistake Is Mean
Sometimes People Mean Well and Still Get It Wrong
You know that feeling when someone tries to support you and completely misses the mark?
They offer advice you didn’t ask for.
They talk louder when you’re already overstimulated.
They say “I understand,” but clearly don’t.
Quick side note:
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So of course you get tired of it.
Tired of being misunderstood.
Tired of doing the explaining.
Tired of feeling like your differences are always seen as problems to fix instead of parts of who you are.
But here’s the part nobody really wants to admit:
Sometimes, in trying to protect ourselves from being judged, we end up doing the same thing in reverse.
We see a neurotypical person get it wrong, and we assume the worst.
Ignorant. Ableist. Emotionally tone-deaf.
Sometimes that’s true. But not always.
Sometimes it’s just a miss.
A moment where two nervous systems tried to connect and crashed into each other instead.
Not bad intent. Just different wiring.
And still, it hurts.
The impact is real. But the intent?
That part is often more complicated, more human, and more tender than we assume.
So now what?
We hold both.
The truth of our frustration, and the reminder that not every failure to understand is a moral failing.
Because real understanding isn’t about getting it right every time.
It’s about being willing to stay in the conversation.
We want our traits to be seen as part of who we are, not as problems to solve.
But if we want others to meet us there, we have to make space for their missteps too.
That doesn’t mean excusing harm.
It just means letting people be human.
Mutual respect doesn’t mean mutual perfection.
It means being gentle with ourselves and with each other, even when we get it wrong.
How to Show Compassion to Someone With This Experience
If you're neurotypical and love someone with autism or ADHD:
Assume good intent, even when their response is abrupt or confusing.
If you get it wrong, try saying, “Can I try that again?”
Don’t take it personally when they ask for space or correct your approach. It’s not rejection. It’s regulation.
If you're neurodivergent and find yourself getting frustrated:
Pause and ask, “Could this be a miss, not malice?”
Acknowledge the impact without jumping to blame.
Offer a bridge back into connection.
Try This Right Now
Think about a recent moment when someone misunderstood you.
Ask yourself:
Did I clearly say what I needed, or hope they’d read my mind?
Did I assume they meant harm, or just feel hurt and stop there?
What would grace have looked like, for both of us?
Even one small shift in how we respond can rebuild trust.
And that trust?
That’s what makes real connection possible.
Bottom Line
Understanding can’t be a one-way street.
If we want others to see our full humanity, we have to be willing to see theirs too.
Even when it’s messy.
Even when it’s imperfect.
That’s where connection lives.
If it landed, let it linger.
“I’m not broken. I’m building trust with my brain.”
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