Did you go away to college — it was a big HELL NO for me?
Why “not yet” can be the bravest thing you’ll ever say—and how I learned to trust my own timing.
When it came time to apply for college, mom joined me on a tour of the university I’d eventually graduate from.
When she suggested I try living in the dorms, I practically panicked. My chest tightened, my heart sped, and all I could picture was 24/7 noise and a community of kids who wouldn’t accept me.
I didn’t see belonging—I saw myself as an outsider, alone and rejected.
Part of it was fear, sure. But part of it was the separation anxiety brought on by the codependence mom and I had built over the years. I wasn’t ready to cut that cord.
To me, the dorms weren’t just a building full of strangers. They were a test of whether I could survive without the safety net we’d woven together.
Looking back now, I can see that younger version of me wasn’t weak or broken. He was telling the truth about his limits. He didn’t yet have the tools or the confidence to thrive in that setting—and pretending otherwise would have crushed him.
Instead, I spent a few years at a community college before transferring. That was the perfect route for me.
Sometimes the bravest thing isn’t saying “yes” to change. It’s saying “not yet,” and giving yourself permission to grow at your own pace.
So I’ll ask you:
Have you ever been pressured to leap before you had the legs to land? And can you look back with compassion at the part of you that said no?
Thanks for being you,
Brian