How much of your child’s “behavior” is actually defiance...

How much of your child’s “behavior” is actually defiance—

and how much of it is…

…sensory overload?

…a communication breakdown?

…your own emotional state being reflected back at you?

Let’s be honest—when our kid is melting down, lashing out, or just flat-out refusing, it can feel personal.

Like we’ve failed, or like they’re pushing every button on purpose.

And in that moment, all the calm strategies in the world feel about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

But what if that “defiant” behavior isn’t about disrespect…

…it’s about a nervous system in survival mode?

…a brain that’s overloaded, not oppositional?

…a child who doesn’t know how to say, “I’m drowning right now, not trying to make your day harder.”

And what if our frustration, fear, or exhaustion is also in the mix—adding pressure to a system that’s already maxed out?

This isn’t about blaming parents.

It’s about giving us the same compassion we try to give our kids.

Because the truth is: most of us are doing our absolute best with tools we were never given, raising kids who don’t fit the mold in a world that still expects them to.

Today, I helped two parents take their first steps towards more peace, understanding, and connection with each other, and their children.

So when things go sideways, maybe the most powerful question we can ask isn’t “Why are they being so difficult?”

but “What’s making this so difficult—for both of us?”

When we lead with curiosity instead of control, everything shifts.

And that shift?

That’s where connection begins

.