I Found My Wallet, But That Isn’t the Best Part

I started the day in yesterday’s clothes, hunting for my handicapped placard.

With my iPhone light blazing, I headed into the butt-cold garage. I wasn’t awake yet, but the Mission Impossible theme already thumped in my head. Feel free to join in for the remainder of this note.

I looked under our car’s passenger seat. Cath and I had done this multiple times over the past week and a half. This time, I spotted a small brown wallet wedged in a place you’d only notice if you were searching for it.

I figured it belonged to my wife. I reached in, eased it out, and found my missing wallet behind it. Peek-a-boo. Just like that.

No HOORAH. No jump for joy. I just stood there for a bit. My shoulders softened. I let out a slow breath. It was the kind of exhale that says, “Okay. I’m not carrying this anymore.”

I think the wallet slipped out of my left pants pocket when Cath and I went out a few weeks back. Since then, I cancelled and reordered cards, IDs, the whole deal… even though something in me kept whispering, “It’s here. Keep looking.”

Turns out, that quiet voice knew.

Yesterday I joked with my wife: “Guess what’s going to show up after everything has been replaced?”

She goes, “Your wallet.”

Close. I still had a few things left, but… uncanny.

Then it hit me. The wallet mattered, sure, but something else mattered more.

I didn’t catastrophize. That used to be Step One.

This time, when my mind wanted to sprint ahead into worst-case stories, I didn’t agree to follow. I came back to my body. To the concrete stuff. What can I control, where can I place my attention to create something other than anxiety?

This ability didn’t fall out of the sky. I’ve studied Zen Buddhism for decades, and bit by bit I’ve built the foundation. Maybe something finally clicked.

Frustration still showed up. My jaw tightened. My chest got that familiar squeeze. But I noticed it sooner, and I didn’t punish myself for having it. I loosened my grip and kept going.

And of course, because life refuses to end a story cleanly…

Oops. Now something else is misplaced.

Good gravy.

But I’m confident it’ll turn up.

I’m grateful for the wallet, obviously. But I’m more grateful for the way I stayed present while it was missing.

Thanks for being you,
Brian

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