If It Takes You a Minute to Find the Right Words, You’re Not Broken — You’re Brilliant in Progress

Taking your time isn’t a weakness — it’s how deeper understanding is built.

I grew up believing that taking time to think things through meant there was something wrong with me.

It meant I was making up a lie. It meant I hadn’t done the reading. It meant I wasn’t paying attention.

Anything but the truth — that my working memory and processing speed just ran slower than other people’s.

Sprinters can make fast decisions out of the gate. Contemplaters like me? We’re built for deep-sea diving — finding treasures others never even notice.

Nobody told me that needing time to reflect could be a strength. That with enough grace and space, I could offer insights that were absolutely worth the wait.

For a long time, even in my client work, I panicked if I didn’t have an answer on the spot. I thought it meant I was incompetent. That I wasn’t enough because my brain didn't cough up the right words fast enough.

Now, if an answer doesn’t pop into my head while I’m talking with someone, I simply say:

“Let me take a little time to reflect and get back to you.”

And you know what? The quality of my answers went way up once I stopped forcing myself to perform on demand.

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If you’re parenting a teen or young adult with AuDHD, you might see this in your kid too.

Maybe they freeze up when you ask a question. Maybe they need longer to process instructions. Maybe they circle back with you later, after they finally find the words they couldn’t grab in the moment.

That’s not a flaw. It’s a different rhythm.

And learning to dance to it together builds a relationship that's a lot stronger — and a lot kinder.

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Here’s your next step if you want to build better communication at home: Make space for the pause.

If your child doesn’t answer right away, try saying:

“Take your time — I’m listening whenever you're ready.”

It’s a small shift, but it signals something huge:

I see you. I’m not rushing you. I trust you.

(And honestly, we could all use more of that.)