It’s been three years since my mom died.
Some days, that number feels wrong—too big. Other days, it feels small compared to the space her absence takes up in my life.
I still reach for my phone to call her. Sometimes I even start to dial before I remember. And every time, there’s this quiet little sting—like when you open the fridge for leftovers you forgot you already ate. Maybe not the best metaphor but its what popped up for me.
Grief does that. It surprises you. Not always with a flood of tears, but with a tiny, gut-level reminder that someone you love isn’t here to witness your life anymore.
And let’s be honest—when you’re neurodivergent, connection can already feel like tightrope walking. When someone who really knew you is suddenly gone, it can feel like the net’s been yanked out from underneath.
It’s not just losing a person. It’s losing the way they made space for you, the way they translated you to the world, or maybe even translated the world to you.
Since she died, I feel a little lonelier. Not always in the “nobody’s here” sense, but in the “I have to hold all of this by myself now” sense.
Like I’m carrying stories, jokes, small victories, worries—things I used to pass to her—and now there’s nowhere for them to land. My wife knows me better than anyone, and is my safe space. But its different, ya know?
This experience has deepened the way I think about relationships and communication, especially in the work I do.
Because when we know someone deeply—really, really know them—it gives us somewhere to set down the heaviest parts of life. And when we don’t have that, or when we lose it, we notice the weight.
So maybe this is a gentle reminder to reach out to the people who get you—and to be that person for someone else when you can.
We’re all carrying something. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t advice or a solution—it’s just a place to put the story.
Have you ever caught yourself reaching for someone who’s no longer here? I’d love to hear how you hold space for that ache—and what helps you feel less alone in it. Let’s talk in the comments.
