Kindness, Data, and the Art of Self-Awareness – with Dr. Chris Wyatt
Kindness, Listening, and Survival Empathy: A Conversation with Christopher Scott Wyatt and Brian R. King
In this episode, I sit down with educator and fellow autistic parent Christopher Scott Wyatt to talk about the simple rules that guide his family and his work: be kind, listen, and keep going. We explore how values shape the morning routine, why self honesty is so hard for neurodivergent folks, and how data, empathy, and structure become survival tools in a world that often feels chaotic.
Questions Answered in This Episode
What core values guide Chris as an autistic dad raising autistic kids?
How does “be kind” actually work as a real life rule, not just a cute slogan?
Why is being honest with yourself often harder than being honest with others?
How can empathy function as a survival strategy for autistic adults?
What does it look like to use data, structure, and self care to navigate work and family life?
Why do stories and emotion move people more than data, even in a data driven world?
Full Transcript
[00:00] Brian: Christopher Scott Wyatt, so lovely to meet you.
[00:00] Chris: Thank you, sir.
[00:15] Brian: One thing we have in common, and one of the things that drew me to you, is that we are both on the spectrum, married, and raising kids who are also on the spectrum. One of the things that helped me get the butterflies, or dragons, to fly in formation a bit more was getting clear on my values. It made me a lot less reactive to the world around me. So when you wake up in the morning, what are the top couple of values that really drive you?
[00:45] Chris: The first thing I always tell the kids, and that we have taught them from the start, is this: be kind. That is how we start the day. That is how we move through the day. Is it always possible? No. There are a lot of things happening in the world that make being kind difficult. But that is the value we start with. I am in charge of the morning routine, so I make sure we are organized as we get ready for school drop off. When I drop them off, it is always, “I love you. Have a good day. Be the best you you can be.”
[01:30] Brian: That is beautiful. Is this intuitive to you, to do things this way?
[01:30] Chris: I think so. I cannot imagine doing it any other way. We like our routines. We like our predictability. Having three or four rules that we can maintain easily from a young age makes it simple. You can start when the children are three or four by saying, “Be kind.” That is a simple rule. Even if someone is mean to you, try to be kind and build from there.
[02:15] Chris: For the most part, I think most conflicts we have as adults go back to a simple question: are we being kind to each other? If not, we may not be the role models we should be for the next generation.
[02:30] Brian: So in one respect, it all boils down to kindness, the presence or the absence of it.
[02:30] Chris: Absolutely. I have never thought of it that way before. I am going to have to ponder that one.
[02:30] Chris: For me, if I am having problems in the workplace, it is usually someone not listening. It is someone not trying to be kind. They are trying to force their perspective on my work needs or experiences.
[03:00] Brian: The lack of listening is endemic in our culture now. I think it has gotten much worse. Everybody has a soapbox and a megaphone.
[03:15] Chris: It is difficult because we are all facing pressures, professionally, emotionally, and financially, that make being reactionary dangerous. I think it would benefit everyone to pause and ask, “Is what I am saying kind? Am I posting something unkind? Am I expressing my emotions in a way that might not be kind to others?”
[03:45] Chris: It is such a simple rule. The other one I have is listen. We tell our kids that, and a lot of parents and professionals would benefit from it too, listening to the patient, the child, the student.
[04:15] Chris: That is part of being kind, listening to the other side and to the other person. It is pretty simple. I tell the girls: be kind, be honest, and no matter what you want, always ask permission.
[04:45] Brian: I suspect this goes without saying, but I imagine you actively model this as well.
[04:45] Chris: Probably not consciously. For example, when I knew that some podcasts were coming up, I emailed my department chair and said, “I have these interviews coming. We are under new legal obligations. What do you want me to do?” That is me being honest and asking permission in advance.
[05:45] Chris: If everyone were kind, honest, and asked for consent, we would be a lot better off as a society.
[06:00] Brian: So basically kindness, listening, and respecting boundaries.
[06:15] Chris: Yes, that is pretty much it.
[06:15] Brian: You have just nailed it. Have you written this up anywhere, any kind of article?
[06:15] Chris: Not really. My specialty is education. I like to think I take my students’ perspectives seriously. Sometimes I even let them vote on assignments if things are not working. When you tell a class that, they are shocked. “Wait, the professor is asking our opinion?”
[07:15] Chris: Honesty with students and with our own children builds credibility. When I say I do know something, they trust that I mean it.
[07:45] Brian: I would say being honest with yourself is actually harder.
[07:45] Chris: No doubt. A lot of us on the spectrum are told we are broken, lazy, or damaged, so we develop impostor syndrome and feel like we do not belong. Being honest with ourselves can be the opposite of what people expect. It is not about realizing what you cannot do. It is about seeing your real self.
[08:45] Brian: Exactly. I tell people it is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. It is an opportunity to see that the negative self talk is not who you are.
[09:15] Chris: Right. Being honest with yourself goes both ways, recognizing what you can do and what you do not know. You need both. Otherwise, you risk focusing only on shortcomings, and that is not honesty either.
[11:45] Brian: In business we call that a SWOT analysis, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.
[12:15] Chris: Exactly. You have to look at all four. If you only focus on weaknesses, you end up in a dark place.
[12:45] Brian: And I am not talking about rumination, when people replay negative thoughts on a loop.
[13:00] Brian: When I started working on self awareness, I learned that negative self talk was not truth. It was old stories. Therapy helped a lot too. It is not always something you should face alone, especially if you have been through trauma.
[14:15] Brian: It helps to feel like someone has your back.
[14:15] Chris: I do not know much about psychology or philosophy, but I see life simply. When I wake up, I am here. From there, what I do with the day is up to me. Some people need therapy or medication, and that is okay. Others just get up and go. Personalities differ.
[16:30] Brian: My brothers and I were raised the same way, but we turned out differently. I chose therapy and self discovery. They did not. Same roof, different choices.
[17:00] Chris: Exactly. Even my daughters, same upbringing, totally different personalities. Nature and nurture both play roles, and we will probably never know how much of each makes us who we are.
[18:15] Brian: I love how straightforward your approach to life is. When you talk, it is easy to picture doing what you describe.
[18:45] Chris: I am not a deep philosophical thinker. People assume I am because of my credentials, but I am practical. I analyze life through data and observation, similar to behavioral economics.
[20:45] Chris: The illogical world around me fascinates me, so I want to quantify it.
[20:45] Brian: I get that. It sounds like your philosophy grows more from empathy than from abstract thought.
[21:15] Chris: It is funny because people say autistics lack empathy, but we survive because we are constantly adapting to others’ expectations. It is empathy as a defense mechanism, a way to make life predictable.
[22:45] Brian: Can you say more about that?
[22:45] Chris: Sure. If my coworkers are unhappy, my job is at risk, so I listen. I am listening not just to help them but to protect myself. It is survival.
[23:30] Chris: It is the same at home. If my wife or daughters are upset, I need to know why. The last thing I want is chaos.
[24:00] Brian: So it is still all built on data.
[24:00] Chris: I think so.
[24:00] Chris: I even analyze how I handle conferences, how long to stay, where to eat, how to ground myself afterward. It is strategic.
[27:30] Chris: People see that as engagement and teamwork. Really, it is survival through structure.
[27:30] Brian: One thing you mentioned that stands out is your self care. You intentionally ground yourself after pressure. That is something a lot of people skip.
[28:15] Chris: My strategic positioning has improved with age. I now hold office hours on Fridays when the building is quiet. Everyone thinks it is for students, but it is really for me.
[30:45] Brian: There is a quote from Ram Dass: “The only thing I can do for you is take care of me.”
[30:45] Chris: Exactly. That is true in parenting too. If your needs are not met, you cannot show up with patience.
[32:45] Brian: The power of emotion outweighs logic.
[33:30] Chris: Absolutely. We learn through stories, not data. Data is not persuasive. Emotion is.
[35:00] Brian: Humanity is not logical. Our systems, education, economics, capitalism, are built on hierarchy, not reason.
[36:30] Chris: Right. Even economists argue over fractions of a percent, not massive differences. It is people outside the field who create drama.
[39:00] Chris: What is moral is not always what is economical. They are different systems.
[39:15] Brian: Do you have a blog?
[39:15] Chris: I did, several, but they are all inactive now. The current climate in education makes that tricky.
[40:15] Brian: If you ever decide to write again, even privately, I would love to read your essays.
[40:30] Brian: You taught me a lot today, and I would love to talk again, especially about your early life and parenting experiences.
[40:45] Chris: Absolutely. A lot of what I do is simply keep going. We can react or we can analyze. Reacting in the moment is dangerous. Analyzing helps us learn.
[42:00] Brian: You do not fly an airplane on gut feeling.
[42:15] Chris: Exactly. You test it. You model it. You use data. That is how my wife and I both approach life.
[43:30] Brian: On that note, I will go ponder. Chris Wyatt, it has been an absolute joy having you here. I am sure everyone who watches this will benefit from this conversation.
[43:45] Chris: Thank you very much for the opportunity. I appreciate it.
Key Takeaways
Chris anchors his family in three simple rules: be kind, be honest, and always ask permission.
Kindness and listening are treated as practical, daily habits that shape how kids, students, and colleagues experience you.
For autistic adults, self honesty means seeing both strengths and gaps instead of focusing only on what is “wrong,” and it often calls for support like therapy.
Chris frames autistic empathy as a survival strategy, using careful listening and data gathering to make other people’s reactions more predictable.
Strategic self care, structure, and planning help him navigate work, conferences, and parenting without burning himself out.
We both highlight that stories and emotion move people more than data, and that systems designed without empathy tend to fail the humans who live inside them.
Thanks for listening in. If this conversation stirred something for you, let it nudge you toward one small experiment today in kindness, listening, or honest reflection.
Thanks for being you,
Brian
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