Seeing Autism Through a Positive Lens
What happens when we stop asking autistic people to fit in, and start helping them flourish
Hey friend,
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we talk about autism. For decades, the story’s been told through a deficit lens: what’s wrong, what’s missing, what needs to be fixed. After my oldest son was diagnosed with autism, the online research I did was all doom and gloom. This was in 2006; things are much better now on the interwebs.
But when you look through a positive lens, the story changes.
It’s not about fixing what’s broken anymore. It’s about recognizing what’s already there.
It asks, What’s strong here? What’s unique? How can this person flourish?
A Different Kind of Question
Most of psychology seeks to answer the question: “What’s wrong, and how do we fix it?”
A positive lens asks a different one: “What’s strong, and how do we grow it?”
When we apply that to autism, everything shifts.
The goal isn’t to make autistic people act “normal.”
It’s to help them live well. On their own terms.
It’s not about fitting in.
It’s about flourishing.
Strengths Aren’t Just Symptoms
Autistic traits like deep focus, honesty, pattern recognition, and loyalty often get mislabeled as “symptoms.” But they’re neutral wiring, qualities that can be fuel or friction depending on the situation.
Hyperfocus can be exhausting in chaotic environments, but it can also fuel extraordinary insight and creativity in research or deep work.
Directness might clash in small talk, but builds trust. Directness with tact is even more effective.
Sensory sensitivity might feel overwhelming in noisy, crowded environments. But it also allows you to notice the nuance others miss: the texture of fabric, the harmony in subtle sounds, the symmetry in designs. I count things and look for patterns in the environment. Especially while enduring a waiting room.
Research backs this up. When autistic adults identify and use their strengths, they report higher quality of life and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression (Kirchner et al., 2023).
Flourishing Over Fitting In
Flourishing isn’t about perfection. It’s about living fully: with meaning, connection, and purpose.
A study on autistic youth found that while they may struggle in some social domains, they score just as high as non-autistic peers in areas like motivation and engagement when given environments that fit them (Sasson et al., 2019). I’m so motivated, I’m practically unstoppable. If you read my story, you’ll see what I mean.
Another study found that developing a positive autism identity, seeing autism as part of who you are, not something to hide, predicts better psychological well-being and lower social anxiety (Corden et al., 2023).
So maybe flourishing isn’t about becoming “less autistic.”
It’s about being allowed to be autistic and well.
What It Means to Be Well
In this context, being well doesn’t mean being symptom-free, socially polished, or emotionally even.
It means being aligned. Living in a way that fits your nature instead of fighting it.
Being well means:
Being at peace with your wiring. You stop seeing your brain as a problem and start treating it as a partner.
Having environments that fit you. You can’t be well in a world that constantly overwhelms or invalidates you. Wellness grows where accommodation meets acceptance.
Emotional sustainability, not emotional control. Wellness isn’t calm all the time, it’s knowing how to come back to center when life pulls you away.
Belonging without performing. Wellness is being able to show up without pretending, to connect without masking.
Redefining success. Being well isn’t about constant progress. It’s about rhythm, balance, and self-respect, even when your energy or capacity shifts.
To be well, in this sense, is to be allowed to exist comfortably inside your own life, your own skin.
You don’t have to stop being autistic to start being okay.
Wellness isn’t becoming typical, it’s becoming whole.
Thriving vs. Flourishing
It helps to know the difference.
Thriving is what happens when someone begins to grow again. When the conditions finally allow energy, curiosity, and courage to return. It’s an active, dynamic process. You can thrive even when things are hard.
Flourishing, though, goes deeper. It’s not just forward motion, it’s growth that’s rooted and sustained. It’s about balance. It’s when growth takes root and becomes part of a stable, meaningful life.
You might say:
Thriving is how you grow.
Flourishing is how you live when growth has room to breathe and stretch.
For autistic people, thriving can start the moment they find environments that honor their natural rhythm: quiet spaces, clear expectations, people who value honesty.
Flourishing happens when the wider world starts valuing those differences too, so that thriving isn’t survival, dependent, it’s sustainable.
Resilience Built from Self-Understanding
Resilience doesn’t mean pretending you’re fine. It means knowing yourself deeply enough to recover when life pulls you off-center.
That might look like:
Recognizing sensory or social limits before they overwhelm you.
Building recovery time into every day.
Showing self-compassion after years of masking to survive.
The goal isn’t constant calm. it’s self-trust.
I know many of these may be difficult to put to use because the demands of your life don’t allow it. Please do the best you can. I don’t want this to be overwhelming too. That would defeat the purpose.
The System Has Homework Too
A positive lens doesn’t just sit in the lap of the autistic community. It extends to institutions and systems as well.
Schools that offer quiet corners and flexible pacing.
that emphasize strength building versus shame building. Educators often miss the shame students feel when what they’re bad at is something they’re reminded of, all day, every day. It’s no wonder they like to immerse themselves in video games where they feel accomplished and competent.
Workplaces that see directness as clarity, not conflict.
that realize water cooler gabbing skills aren’t related to someone’s competence as an employee.
Friendships that value honesty and loyalty over small talk.
that allow time to sit together, without talking. Feeling safe and sharing the space together.
Flourishing isn’t just a personal achievement.
It’s something we build together.
The Heart of It
When we view autism through a positive lens, we stop measuring worth by how well someone hides their difference.
We start seeing difference as design. Another way the human mind expresses creativity and connection.
Autism isn’t a puzzle to solve.
It’s a perspective to understand.
It’s not about becoming normal.
It’s about becoming whole.
Key Takeaways
A positive lens asks what’s strong, not what’s wrong.
Autistic wiring includes abilities that flourish when supported, not suppressed.
Thriving is growth through support; flourishing is sustained well-being.
Resilience is built through self-understanding, and self-compassion, not perfection.
Systems must evolve to fit people, not people to fit systems.
A Question for You
What’s one autistic strength (yours or someone else’s) that you’ve seen truly shine when it was finally supported instead of “fixed”?
I’d love to hear your story. It’s how we keep rewriting the narrative. Together.
I’m here to help you implement any of the concepts in my articles.
You can schedule a time here:
🧠 References
Corden, B., Milton, D., Weod, R., & Cribb, S. (2023). Positive autism identity, mental health, and psychological well-being: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1174018. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10074754/
Kirchner, J. C., et al. (2023). Character strengths, well-being, and mental health in autistic adults: A strengths-based approach. Autism Research, 16(7), 1347–1360. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10375006/
Sasson, N. J., et al. (2019). Indicators of flourishing in children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(9), 3782–3796. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6684035/