THE THICK OF IT Apr 23, 2026
Life unedited. Living with AuDHD, chronic illness, disability, and everything that comes with it.
Its Not An Excuse It’s An Explanation
People assume we’re trying to get out of something. Like when someone says, “I’m too tired” or “my back hurts” instead of “I don’t want to do it.” They’d rather be called a wuss and get let off the hook than risk defying their people-pleasing habits by standing up for their own needs and upsetting someone else.
Most people know this game because they’ve played it. Hell, every 3 year old has played this game. The problem is they don’t unlearn it, because our culture doesn’t push us to do better. We reward the workaround more than the honesty.
In the case of people with autism, there are things our brains don’t do, depending on our unique neurology. I think about it like being colorblind, as I am. There are colors I don’t see. Not because I’m lazy or lack willpower, but because my brain does not see them.
I don’t feel time passing. So I’m not late because I’m inconsiderate.
I often don’t remember things long enough to write them down, so when I ask someone else to write them down or text them to me, I’m not being lazy. I’m asking for a small accommodation to help you get what you need.
Some things I won’t be able to learn because my fine motor skills are so clumsy, or my executive functions run like a Corvair. Making me do it might cause you frustration, at best. At worst, someone gets hurt because I’ll likely do it wrong.
So when I explain something like this, I’m not trying to get out of it. I’m clarifying what I’m working with and how it’s invisible to you but a reality for me.
A Good Cry
I had a hard cry last Friday because it had been a tough week. As I sat in bed with head in hand, my baby Lily climbed on my chest and laid down. I opened my eyes and her eyes were right there. She tipped her head, I did the same, and we touched foreheads for a moment. She's really something.
Dogs are basically walking nervous systems tuned to other nervous systems—especially ours.
They’re wired for co-regulation, which means they don’t just notice your emotional state… they sync up with it.
This was a wake-up call about how I tend to overwork myself by cramming as much as possible into one day (all or nothing thinking). Since then, I’ve been holding the space between client sessions for calm, quiet, and presence. So far so good.
BTW, it took me decades to learn how to be calm and present. This is something my clients really value learning from me. I’m an AuDHDer who learned how to be calm in this often chaotic nervous system. It's an approach to life that people convince themselves is beyond them, until they learn from someone who found a way in.
If You Want to Go Deeper
If this kind of reflection speaks to you, I share more of it through Agatha’s Garden. It’s a story about what we inherit, what we carry, and what becomes possible when we finally start seeing clearly.
Visit: AgathasGarden.com
Thanks for being you,
Brian R. King, MSW, is a storyteller, coach, and communication expert who helps folks with AuDHD and families build stronger, more authentic relationships. He’s the author of 7 books and hosts the podcast Riffin’ About Life, where real talk meets real growth.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re speaking two different languages with the people you love, Brian’s here to help you translate.
BrianCanHelp.com
Message me with your questions…