What If You’ve Been Anxious This Whole Time and Just Didn’t Know It?
How hidden anxiety shows up in neurodivergent lives, and what to do once you finally recognize it.
Before we dive in...
This is a longer post, and it’s worth it.
If you’ve ever suspected anxiety was affecting your life but couldn’t quite name it, this will help you finally see it clearly. I walk you through how anxiety shows up in everyday situations, especially for neurodivergent folks, and what to do once you recognize it.
And if you’re someone who likes to walk away with tools, not just insight, I’ve got you covered.
Inside, you’ll find:
A clear definition of anxiety (without the fluff)
A 10-point scale to help you name your experience
A printable 7-day tracker so you can start noticing patterns
A free bonus toolkit to make it all easier to use
Take what resonates. Leave what doesn’t.
But most of all, stick around.
You might finally have words for something you’ve been carrying far too long.
Let’s start with this.
I’ve lived most of my life with anxiety, and for the longest time, I didn’t know that’s what it was. I just thought I was “too sensitive,” “too intense,” or “not tough enough.”
I assumed everyone else was better at handling life, and I just had to keep pushing through. My mother was overwhelmed. She had my brothers to wrangle and my emotionality to decode.
Turns out, I was carrying anxiety like a backpack full of bricks I thought was part of my body.
A lot of autistic and ADHD adults I work with say something similar:
“I don’t think I have anxiety. I’m just tired all the time. Overwhelmed. Can’t concentrate. And I hate surprises. Plus, people are jerks.”
Guess what?
That is anxiety. It just doesn’t always look the way people expect it to.
I know what it feels like to go years believing you're lazy when really you're burned out from bracing yourself all day. I’ve avoided voicemails, delayed emails, and even skipped grocery trips because I couldn’t handle the decisions, the noise, or the people. I thought I was just “bad at life.”
But I wasn’t bad. I was anxious. And I didn’t have the language for it.
That’s what this is about. Giving you that language. And offering you something I never had; a gentle way to understand what’s going on inside you, without judgment.
What Anxiety Actually Is
Anxiety is your nervous system’s way of bracing for something that feels uncertain, unsafe, or out of your control, even if there’s no immediate danger.
It’s not just a feeling. It’s a full-body response. Like your brain yelling “Duck!” while your body is already halfway to the floor, even if no one threw anything.
It can show up as:
Tight muscles
Racing thoughts
Trouble making decisions
Avoiding things for “no reason”
Snapping at people you care about
Anxiety isn’t just fear. It’s often the scramble to avoid ever feeling afraid in the first place: saying yes when you want to say no, overpreparing for conversations, second-guessing every decision, checking your phone to avoid silence, or micromanaging everything so nothing can surprise you.
So anxiety isn’t always emotional. Sometimes it’s physical. Sometimes it’s chronic. And for a lot of neurodivergent folks, it hides behind things like perfectionism, avoidance, or total exhaustion.
See Yourself Here?
Anxiety might show up like this:
You freeze when someone asks what you want for dinner
You reread the same email over and over and still don’t hit send
You cancel plans at the last minute because you feel “off” but can’t explain why
You keep earbuds in your pocket just in case the world gets too loud
You do everything for everyone so no one can be disappointed in you. I’m particularly sensitive to this one.
You feel panicked when something runs longer than expected
You check your calendar ten times before you leave the house
You get snappy with someone, then feel awful and shut down for the rest of the day
Some of us feel anxiety in our gut. Others in our jaw, chest, or throat.
I tend to clench my teeth and stop breathing deeply. I’m a prolific teeth grinder.
That’s how I know it’s creeping in. If I catch it early, I can reset. I deliberately unclench my jaw and breathe deeply. Taking ownership of my experience. But for years, I didn’t notice until I was already unraveling.
I deliberately unclench my jaw and breathe deeply.
Taking ownership of my experience.
If no one ever taught you how to check in with yourself, it makes sense that you’ve been carrying anxiety without recognizing it.
This article is here to help you do that gently, without shame, without pressure, like someone handing you a flashlight instead of yelling at you for being in the dark.
If you're still unsure whether anxiety applies to you, here’s a list of things people often say when they’re anxious but don’t realize that’s what’s going on.
These are especially common among neurodivergent folks who weren’t taught to track internal states (interoception) or were raised to believe that discomfort is just “normal.”
Vague but Chronic
“I’m just tired all the time.”
“I can’t seem to relax.”
“My brain won’t shut up.”
“I feel like I’m always bracing for something.”
“I’m fine. Just overwhelmed.”
“There’s just too much in my head right now.”
“I’m not sleeping great lately, but it’s probably nothing.”
Overthinking / Overpreparing
“I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I just want to make sure I’m not forgetting anything.”
“Let me double check one more time.”
“I keep running through every possible scenario.”
“I hate not knowing what’s going to happen.”
Avoidance / Shutdown
“I’ll do it later when I’m in a better headspace.”
“I just can’t deal with people right now.”
“I don’t feel like going out, but I don’t know why.”
“I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say.”
“I just froze.”
Irritability / Edginess
“Everything is getting on my nerves lately.”
“I snapped and I don’t even know why.”
“I feel like I’m about to explode over nothing.”
“I’m constantly on edge.”
“I feel like people are always asking something from me.”
Internalized Guilt or Shame
“Why can’t I just do the thing?”
“I know it’s not a big deal, I’m just being ridiculous.”
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I hate that I’m like this.”
“Everyone else seems fine. What’s wrong with me?”
Physical Clues
“My chest feels tight.”
“My stomach’s been upset lately.”
“I feel jittery but I haven’t had caffeine.”
“I’ve had a headache all day.”
“My jaw’s been sore. Maybe I’m grinding my teeth?”
Anxiety Doesn’t Always Announce Itself
It’s sneaky. It slips in like static under a song. Barely noticeable until the whole thing feels off.
Especially when:
You’ve been masking for years
You weren’t taught to check in with your body
You assume “getting things done” means you’re doing okay.
One of anxiety’s sharpest hooks is the fear that slowing down makes us less worthy.
The belief that if I’m not producing, I’m failing is a hustle culture lie dressed up as virtue. It erases the full humanity of rest, connection, and intrinsic worth.
You don’t have to keep proving yourself to be enough. You already are.
You don’t have to keep proving yourself to be enough. You already are.
I’ve had days where I answered emails, made appointments, and wrote full articles, then cried uncontrollably when I dropped a fork. That meltdown wasn’t about the fork. It was the last straw in a pile of invisible tension my body had been holding like a dam.
If you’ve been living in constant low-level tension, you’re not broken. You’re not weak.
You’re anxious.
And there’s something you can do about it.
A Tool That Helps: The 10-Point Anxiety Scale
I created this scale for people like us, people who don’t always feel their anxiety until it’s too late. You don’t need to find the perfect words. You just need a way to check in.
The scale walks you from level 1 (totally chill) to level 10 (meltdown or shutdown), with clear examples so you can say, “Oh. That’s me right now.”
1 – Totally Chill
Calm, focused, maybe even a little sleepy. Breathing is deep.
Example: Sitting outside with your favorite drink, no plans, and your body feels soft and safe. Ahhhhhhhh!
2 – Lightly Alert
A slight buzz. You’re tuned in, but not tense.
Example: Getting ready to leave the house, aware of time but not rushed. Just one more thing, you know how it goes.
3 – Slightly Uncomfortable
You feel a little off. Breathing might be shallow or you’re tapping your foot.
Example: You’re waiting somewhere noisy, not panicking, but not loving it either. Ready to leave, any time now.
4 – Distracted or Edgy
Irritable. Your brain’s flipping through tabs and can’t land.
Example: You keep checking your phone or counting things in the room just to feel grounded. That’s me by the way.
5 – On Guard
Your thoughts are looping. Muscles are tight. You’re scanning for what could go wrong.
Example: You’re in a crowded grocery store, stuck behind someone moving slow, and you feel like crawling out of your skin. You also imagine all kinds of things you’d like to do (if you had super strength) to keep things moving.
6 – Unsettled and Avoidant
You want out. Your stomach’s flipping. Breathing gets shallow. People become less relevant and more like moving furniture in the way of the door.
Example: You’ve been putting off that one task all day, and now the thought of it makes your chest ache.
7 – Overwhelmed
Your mind is loud. Choices feel impossible. You snap or shut down. I know I’m feeling this way when I get “bitchy”, as I call it.
Example: You open your inbox and see 37 unread emails. Your brain short circuits, feels glitchy.
8 – Fight, Flight, or Freeze
You’re flooded. Everything feels urgent, but you can’t act. You feel like yelling in frustration, but you don’t. So you stuff it down and feel like you’re going to explode.
Example: Plans change last minute and your whole system freezes like someone unplugged you. I can’t think when this happens.
9 – Full Panic
You feel like you're losing control. Breathing is hard. Thoughts are catastrophic.
Example: You’re convinced something terrible is about to happen. Everything feels unsafe.
10 – Meltdown or Shutdown
You’ve hit the wall. Your system gives out.
Example: You crawl into bed, pull the covers up, and go silent. Don’t forget the weighted blanket. You can’t talk, move, or be touched.
Bonus Tip:
You don’t have to wait until you’re a 7 to take care of yourself.
If you notice you’re a 3 or 4, that’s your window. That’s the point where care still feels like support, not damage control.
Want to Track It?
Sometimes we don’t see the pattern until we write it down. That’s me for sure, you?
What felt like “just an off day” is actually your third straight afternoon stuck at a 6.
That’s why I created a 7-day Anxiety Awareness Tracker you can print or fill in digitally. It helps you:
Rate your anxiety each day
Note physical, behavioral, and thought clues
Track what helped or made things harder
It’s simple. It’s judgment-free. And it gives your nervous system a voice.
Why This Matters
Naming anxiety gives you power.
You can’t work with what you can’t see.
Once I learned to recognize my own anxiety signals, I stopped blaming myself for being “too sensitive” or “not motivated.”
I started responding with care instead of criticism.
That changed everything.
This isn’t about becoming perfectly calm. It’s about knowing when you’re not, and treating yourself like someone worth caring for anyway.
Want Help Making This Real?
I offer one-on-one Power Hour coaching sessions where we walk through this together. We customize your scale. Build a routine for checking in. And make sure you’re responding to your anxiety in a way that actually works for your brain and body.
It’s not therapy.
It’s practical, compassionate support from someone who’s been in the storm and knows where the dry ground is.
Or reply to this post. I’m listening.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for being brave enough to look inward.
Thanks for being curious instead of cruel with yourself.
You’re not broken.
You’re learning.
And I’m walking this road with you.
— Brian
Neurodivergent Coach | Emotional Translator | Fellow Human in Progress
🆓 Free Bonus: Anxiety Awareness Toolkit
If you’re the kind of person who wants to do something with what you just learned, I made this for you.
This free, printable toolkit includes the resources I mentioned above and all in a single document:
✅ The full 10-Point Anxiety Scale with clear descriptions
✅ A 7-day tracker to help you notice patterns in your body, thoughts, and behavior
✅ Space to record what helps, what doesn’t, and what’s changing
You don’t need to fix your anxiety overnight.
But you do deserve tools that help you understand it; without shame, judgment, or confusion.
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