When Your Child’s Sense of Justice Feels Too Big
Raising a child with a fierce sense of fairness? Here’s why it’s not a problem — it’s a strength in the making.
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I caught myself reminiscing about my childhood and realizing—again—just how much my oldest son and I are cut from the same block of marble.
Funny how that happens. You think you’re just raising a kid, and somewhere along the way, you realize you’re raising a mirror — whether it’s in their DNA, the way they follow your lead, or a bit of both.
One memory popped up from when I was about 11 years old — though emotionally, I was maybe 8 on a good day. We had family over, including a 4-year-old human crowbar.
I watched this kid run wild: pushing other kids around, sassing the adults, and then — the horror — snatching a toy right out of another kid’s hands. My internal justice alarm went off like a tornado siren.
I didn’t sit quietly either. Nope. I yelled across the room to one of his relatives, “Aren’t you going to do something?”
Instead of stepping in, the adult dismissed it as boys will be boys. And then my mom, trying to keep the peace, added, “They can parent him however they want to.”
At that moment, I was done. My little justice-loving heart couldn’t take it anymore. All I could see was other kids being wronged by this one, which made him feel unpredictable — and unsafe.
I didn’t believe I could count on the adults to step in and make it right, either. So I stormed off to my room, deciding it was safer to remove myself than to sit through one more second of what felt like pure injustice.
Looking back now, it’s obvious: that fierce sense of fairness, that deep need for things to make sense, has been wired into me from the start. And it’s just as strong in my oldest son.
And here’s the thing — a lot of our neurodivergent kids are built this way, too. They’re not being dramatic. They’re not overreacting. They’re feeling life on a setting that’s turned up higher than most people even realize.
Sometimes, that means they (and we) get triggered by situations that seem small to others but feel enormous to us.
If you’ve ever wondered why your teen storms off, snaps back, or shuts down when something seems “not fair” or “wrong,” you’re not a bad parent. You’re raising a human with a justice compass that’s probably just a little louder than most.
The good news? Understanding where that reaction comes from is one of the biggest steps toward building a stronger relationship. It shifts us from, “What is wrong with you?” to, “I can see why this feels so unfair to you."
It’s not about silencing their sense of right and wrong. It’s about helping them use it without getting swallowed by it.
And it starts by noticing. By seeing the part of them that’s trying so hard to stand up for what feels right, even if it doesn’t always come out in the most polished way.
The next time your child’s sense of justice kicks in, take a breath. Get curious about the feeling underneath the outrage. Curiosity softens judgment — and that simple shift can turn a power struggle into a powerful connection.
You’re not alone in this. And on the days it feels like you’re getting it all wrong, you’re still doing better than you think.
Is this relatable? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.