You Can Say No and Still Be Included

There’s this sinking feeling that creeps in when we have to say no—again.

The fear isn’t just that we’re missing out. It’s that we’re letting people down. That maybe we’re the buzzkill no one invites next time.

That our “no” isn’t just a word, it’s a quiet little disappointment that could become resentment.

And honestly? That fear and guilt are corrosive. They don’t just sit quietly. They chip away at our confidence, our trust, and the very relationships we’re trying to protect.

This morning, though, I got a reminder that cut right through that noise—and I hope it cuts through yours too.

When someone keeps inviting you even after the fifth, sixth, seventh no, it’s not because they’re polite.

It’s because they love you.

When someone says, “We’ll save you a seat, no pressure,” they aren’t being nice.

They’re being loyal.

Today, someone told me, You’ll always be invited. We look forward to the day you say yes.

It’s a real-world example of what belonging is supposed to look like.

It’s how we show people—and ourselves—that connection isn’t earned by attendance.

It’s offered freely, no strings attached.

If we’re parents, this is what we want our kids to feel in their bones. That saying no doesn’t separate them from the people who matter.

That the real ones—the ones worth holding onto—keep making space for them, no matter how long it takes.

Every invitation, every welcome back, even after a no—that’s the real relationship. That’s what connects us.